so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i will never coherently bang her
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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