I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
