is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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