Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
