Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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