I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
No subtext here. People are naked.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
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