You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.