You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
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Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
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Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.