Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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