Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
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i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants