The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
