i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED