Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me