dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...