We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.