Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Randomize
