you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
