Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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