I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
