im drinking this country out of the recession.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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