Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
