I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
