In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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