guys are only as good as the porn they watch
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
