I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
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