Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
