...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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