I wish my penis had an off switch
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Is Oprah even human
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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