or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
