I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
