some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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