Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
