woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
