No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
