Yo dont text me then not text me
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
