she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize