Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Are we still banned from the library?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
