I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
try to milk me bitch
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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