I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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