it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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