I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
