You don't have asthma, your pregnant
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
