i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
