I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Randomize
