Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
