dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
