I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
