wanna go halves on a baby?
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
