If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
