My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
