I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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