i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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