Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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