We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
