there's paper in my vomit.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
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hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
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Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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