There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
