you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
