He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize