the condom got lost in my hair
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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