Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I understand Curling. That high.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
