my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
