He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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