no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
