oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
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Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
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He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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