I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
