I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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