Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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