She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
