insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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