I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
