Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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