I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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